A Compelling Tale of How Love Can Diminish into Mere Companionship
Two days ago, my friend Elvira celebrated her 40th birthday. In the photos taken by her husband, she held flowers with her eyes closed, looking as beautiful as a teenage girl, despite just giving birth to their third child.
Every aspect of life is written on her face. When she met him at 18, she still looks the same as she did back then.
Her husband said, “Darling, happy birthday.”
A simple blessing, without any lengthy expression of feelings or reminiscing about the more than 20 years we’ve been together. It’s sincere, sweet, and really enviable.
They have been in love for 21 years, married for 13 years, and still as happy as if they were in the honeymoon phase.
Her husband said, “I strongly oppose the idea of spouses becoming like family members. My mom, dad, and daughter are my family, but my wife is my lover, my beloved, my partner; she’s different.”
I also believe that true love never turns into family love. Family love is when two people who were once inseparable gradually become independent, like us and our parents; whereas love is when two originally independent individuals gradually become inseparable.
I often hear friends who have been in a relationship for a few years jokingly refer to themselves as an “old married couple,” always mentioning the transformation of love into family affection as if it’s a given.
In reality, it’s just love fading away, an excuse for losing the initial spark.
I have a cousin who has been with her husband since college. They’ve known each other for eight years and have been married for three.
However, after having a child, they increasingly found that their values and opinions differed, leading to more and more conflicts. Whether it’s about whether the child should attend early education classes or where the keys should be placed, they can argue about anything, anywhere, anytime.
Her once gentle demeanor started to show signs of resentment, and his once accommodating personality became fiery.
Several times, she stormed back to her parents’ home in a fit of anger, but her mother always sent her back.
Her mother told her, “This is normal married life. Do you think it’s still the time for romance, with him constantly showering you with sweet words? After being married for so long, love slowly turns into family affection.”
She also advised her not to expect too much, as without love, there’s still family affection, not to mention the child; she shouldn’t stir up unnecessary trouble.
In the end, stirring up trouble made my cousin wither.
She became a compliant and obedient daughter again.
She always compromises, avoiding topics that could lead to arguments as much as possible.
She came up with a method: focusing on the child, speaking less and doing more.
As soon as she opened her eyes in the morning, she busied herself with the child’s morning routine and feeding breakfast.
After lunch, she scrolled through photos of the child on her phone.
In the evening, after returning home from work, she bathed the child and put them to sleep.
A beautiful day, starting with the child and ending with the child.
Days passed like this, and they indeed rarely argued, but they also rarely had time for just the two of them.
Sometimes, an entire day would pass without them exchanging more than a few words.
How long had it been since they kissed? How long had it been since they made love? She couldn’t remember anymore.
“It’s boring. It feels like we’re just siblings now. Love has long gone, only family affection remains.”
Unexpectedly, in the end, even family affection disappeared, leaving only hurt.
My cousin’s husband was laid off.
He started to become unreasonable and irritable, getting worked up over trivial matters.
Unable to find a job, his self-esteem was damaged, and he vented all his frustrations at home, even resorting to violence against her.
On the night she was hit, my cousin didn’t sleep a wink, silently shedding tears.
Meanwhile, her husband slept soundly, like an innocent child.
Unable to bear it any longer, my cousin filed for divorce. She left with nothing, except for the custody of their child.
The day she completed the divorce procedures, she wiped the tears from her eyes and had an epiphany.
“Those who say that love eventually evolves into family affection are just deceiving themselves. It’s just people’s compromise and self-consolation due to dissatisfaction with marriage.”
I often hear people say, “I feel like your family is very happy.”
Yes, we are very happy.
Because I can feel the love my dad has for my mom.
A man’s love for a woman.
It’s love, not family affection.
He secretly buys small gifts for my mom while on trips. Sometimes it’s a comb, sometimes a sand painting.
When my mom hesitated in front of a glass display, he would remember the purse she liked and suddenly buy it for her.
Mom would scold him, saying, “Are you crazy? It’s so expensive.”
But her heart would be filled with joy.
I remember when I used to sleep between them, dad’s hand would reach over me to hold mom.
Looking back now, I realize I was really unnecessary, haha.
They also argue, but it never gets out of hand. Because dad always finds a way to make mom laugh, even when she’s furious.
In her forties, mom still remains naive and simple, a smiling child in dad’s eyes.
Mom never says how great my dad is to anyone, except for one sentence she said to me, which made me understand how much she loves him.
“You, I’ll be at ease if you marry someone like your dad in the future.”
At that moment, I suddenly understood why Elvira’s husband said, “True love never turns into family affection.”
During my high school puppy love, dad didn’t explode in anger; he just told me that I was all grown up and knew right from wrong. I believe it’s because I’ve seen what it’s like for someone to truly love another person. My relationships have rarely gone astray, with a few sweet memories and no lingering entanglements after breaking up. I’ve never been disappointed in love.
Love is love. I want to possess you, to be close to you for a lifetime.
Even nearing fifty, I still want to create romance and surprises for you, to see you smile and blush, and to see your heart race.