- Creating a sense of crisis in your boyfriend doesn’t necessarily have to involve the introduction of “the opposite sex.”
Your continuous achievements and diverse interests, even your girlfriends and friends, can be sources of “competition,” letting the other person know that he isn’t the most important in your life. Make him feel that you are constantly improving yourself, and that you are self-sufficient and receive enough love, not just from suitors, but also from others.
- The core of creating a sense of crisis is: a continuous increase in your charm and attracting outstanding men.
Why emphasize “outstanding” men? Because the credibility of creating a sense of crisis largely depends on whether the person showing active affection is a fit, muscular man, or just an old friend from the village…
This is the key to creating a sense of crisis. It’s not about having no bottom line, no principles when interacting with various men. Making a man feel like you might betray him at any moment isn’t creating a sense of crisis, but a sense of fear.
- Take back the excessive sense of security you’ve given.
Everything in this world is about balance. Only when a man can’t feel enough security from you will he use the act of giving you security to gain his own. I shared this in my public class last year.
As many cases and voices I’ve heard in counseling, when I began to focus on myself, the relationship improved. Why?
The underlying logic is that when a woman shifts her focus back to herself, stops revolving around a man, the delusional sense of “this woman can’t live without me” in the man’s mind disappears. He loses the sense of security he gained through her pursuit, and even develops a sense of crisis, wondering if the woman doesn’t love him enough. Then he starts to consider his own value.
And the woman realizes, after putting herself at the center, that she never really loved the man as much as she imagined. She was just infatuated with the emotional experiences he provided. After finding herself, through socializing, career, hobbies, she can also find happiness. She realizes that her happiness doesn’t solely depend on him. She might also find that apart from the cheap emotional value, the other values she’s gained from the relationship are too weak, and she can look at the relationship more stably.
- The real way to create a sense of crisis is to make the other person subconsciously develop a “sense of crisis.”
I’ve said before: the foundation of creating a sense of crisis is your excellence and the display of your high value. At the same time, your constant progress and updated high value should make the other person subconsciously develop a “sense of crisis.”
Many people might think they need to flirt with more men, creating an impression of being highly sought after, or simply say, “Who sent me flowers?” No, that’s a big mistake. The reason why this doesn’t work well for many people is because they focus too much on these minor tricks, forgetting that their own status and value are more important.
Just like the feedback I get from you, I also show it to my husband. What he senses is the display of my high value. He sees that I am constantly improving, and that naturally motivates him to improve as well. So he occasionally blurts out a few words like: “I find you can do everything well; you have so many fans, I’m not on your level anymore.” It’s a joke, but it inadvertently conveys a sense of crisis.
So, think about the bigger picture. In my view, the correct way to create a sense of crisis is not just about small tricks, but should include “sharing your achievements and progress, as well as the invisible display of your high value, to stimulate his sense of crisis.”
You can show your high value in your daily life, such as receiving small gifts from friends on special occasions, or getting flowers (social value). When your boyfriend sees this, he’ll realize that you are surrounded by love and will naturally love you in the same way.
Similarly, if you’ve recently achieved something small at work, earned the appreciation of your boss, doubled your earning ability, or passed an exam (career value), let him feel that you are in a continuous state of improvement and updating your value. If he’s still at the same place, you might outgrow him.
That’s what creating a sense of crisis is all about.