Love and Confidence: Embracing Your True Self
I once received a question from a male netizen: “I’m introverted, not good at talking, short, and not good-looking. My family background is also very ordinary. I feel like no girl would like me. I’m very distressed, what should I do?”
This guy’s self-esteem was clearly written all over the question.
Certainly, outward appearance is important, and being disadvantaged from birth can be frustrating. They say that being born is a skill in itself. As someone who believes in reincarnation, I would think that our possessions and experiences in this life are related to our past lives. With this mindset, at least we can ease our sense of injustice by accepting our so-called innate unfairness and fully embracing ourselves. This is the foundation for rebuilding self-confidence.
Actually, who in this world is perfect? You see someone’s outward perfection, but you don’t know the hidden flaws in their personality. Everyone has their own shortcomings, that’s for sure.
In matters of love and relationships, outward appearance is definitely not the most crucial factor in winning love. Look around, there are plenty of beautiful women marrying plain-looking men, and they are not necessarily wealthy or influential. Meanwhile, those who have good overall conditions still can’t find someone who genuinely loves them. Why is that?
I think:
First, whether you are introverted or extroverted, whether you love to talk or not, these are just superficial traits and not the fundamental qualities that determine a person’s charisma.
For example, my husband is not good at talking, but when I fell in love with him, I found his quietness to be unique. It was not only cool but also mysterious, arousing people’s desire to explore. Just like a group of girls, not necessarily wearing the most eye-catching outfits, that one girl in a simple cotton dress in the corner may attract the attention of discerning treasure hunters.
So, being introverted is not the key issue. The key is whether you have enough personal charisma. As long as you have a rich and profound soul, you can exude charm even without speaking a word.
Second, relatively speaking, in the matter of choosing a partner, a man’s appearance is far less important than a woman’s appearance. As long as a man is clean, neat, and well-dressed, that’s enough. Compared to appearance, what attracts women more in a man is: capability, maturity, mental resonance, security, and thoughtfulness, of course, the better the career and material wealth, the better.
Third, if there is no internal support, even if you are tall, handsome, and articulate, it’s just superficial. It would make people think of a slick playboy, and a girl who doesn’t admire vanity and just wants a stable life would stay away.
Therefore, for boys with low self-esteem, I have the following suggestions:
- Build self-confidence
Don’t think that being not talkative is a major flaw. When you see it as a bad thing, how can others appreciate it? There’s no good or bad in personality; no one has decreed that being quiet is a bad thing. When you exude self-confidence from the inside out, even freckles on your face will become lively and lovely. Find and explore your strengths, focus on your shining points, and make them shine brighter.
- Compensate for verbal shortcomings with other forms of expression
Being inarticulate does hinder emotional expression to some extent. This is not difficult to solve because in human communication, besides language, there are many channels. Nowadays, with advanced online communication, using text is even more frequent and convenient than face-to-face communication. Even in face-to-face communication, your expressions, eye contact, and body language can help you express your feelings. Women are very sensitive, sometimes just a look can convey mutual understanding.
- Enhance your overall strength
As long as you are a valuable man, you won’t have trouble winning a girl’s favor. Aim for the following goals:
First, be thoughtful, caring, and understanding. In other words, be able to bring good emotional experiences to women.
No matter how outstanding a woman is, she yearns to be cherished by a man. When she gets used to your all-round care, it’s not easy for her to leave. And this doesn’t require you to be rich or successful, just sincerity and thoughtfulness are enough.
When she’s having menstrual cramps, a cup of brown sugar water handed to her consistently and sincerely can often touch a woman’s heart more than an expensive gift bought by a wealthy man.
Second, focus on your work, strive to be excellent in any industry. This doesn’t need explaining; a successful career naturally brings a halo to a man.
Doing your job well is the most powerful proof of a man’s ability. Which woman doesn’t look up to a capable man? Such a man, even with some physical or personality flaws, won’t have trouble finding someone willing to accept him.
Third, focus on making money. As long as it’s legitimate, earning money itself is proof of ability. With a solid economic foundation, faithfulness, and a proper outlook, you’re a high-quality man.
Between two men with similar conditions, women will naturally choose the wealthier one. This isn’t about being materialistic; who doesn’t wish for enough material security in the future, and better living conditions for their future children? It’s human nature.
Feminists might argue that women can earn money themselves, but if a woman herself earns a lot of money, what are the chances that she can love a man who is less capable than her in the long run?
In conclusion, build self-confidence, discover your shining points, learn communication skills, and enhance your overall strength, and you will definitely encounter the love that belongs to you!