People who are not married probably don’t realize what marriage really means to them. Those who are married probably just thought that marriage would make them very happy at first.
Marriage is probably one of the few things in this lifetime that can determine whether a person is happy or not, maybe even the only thing. Because with other things, if they make you unhappy, you can choose to avoid or forget about them. But marriage cannot be avoided. Even if you get a divorce, there are still many scars left behind.
If marriage is unhappy, then the rest of life is endless suffering, torment, and agony. Of course, it’s impossible to be happy without getting a divorce. However, even after a divorce, it’s still very difficult to be happy. The impact of a marriage on a person is definitely not limited to the duration of the marriage. It will affect a person’s entire life, and that’s the terrible thing about marriage.
Even those who can let go of their emotions or choose to end the marriage and then find happiness again, their path to this comeback is actually extremely difficult. Looking back at the past, everything is different, and it’s a scene of devastation. They are no longer the same person they used to be.
A marriage constitutes the most important trajectory in a person’s life, and whether it ends or continues, all future paths in life will just extend from this trajectory.
A friend of mine has been divorced for many years and has never found a new relationship. Of course, he is lonely and longs for a relationship, but he keeps himself tightly wrapped up.
He said: “I dare not touch relationships again in this lifetime. The cost is too high, and the price is too steep. I can’t afford to ‘play’ with it. If I have to go through the same pain and suffering again, then this lifetime is as good as over.”
Oh, and he also has a child. Every time he faces the child, he feels extremely guilty—how he’s doing, he has already learned to let go, but how can he let go of how the child is doing?
He often feels regretful. If he hadn’t gotten married in the first place, if he hadn’t chosen that person, then the child wouldn’t be unhappy now. Blaming himself, feeling sorry for the child…
He’s like a guilty person, carrying a heavy burden in his heart every day.
This is probably the important reason why many people facing an unhappy marriage cannot get a divorce—how they are doing is one thing, but how the child is doing is another. However, if a marriage is already unhappy, maintaining this facade is not really good for the child either.
The unhappiness of a marriage has an impact on a person’s entire life. A divorce doesn’t completely free you or bring happiness.
So, when a marriage is unhappy, people try to find ways to redeem themselves.
One way is to constantly console oneself. For example, regarding emotions and marriage as fate, explaining it as destiny. Since it’s fate, of course, one can only devoutly accept it. The so-called “I control my fate, not heaven” is probably just a shot of adrenaline for oneself. Whether heaven controls it or not, the fate of a person’s life always seems to be beyond their control at crucial moments.
So, those upsetting things in life, those unexpected uncertainties, we explain them as fate. If this lifetime is not enough, then we talk about three lifetimes—what we owe from our past life, what we endure for the next life…
Another way is to make efforts, to bring about a change in reality that will lead to a change in the mind. So, many people facing an unhappy marriage will work on things outside of marriage, reducing the proportion of emotions and marriage in their lives to correspondingly minimize the influence of marriage on their lives.
There was once a story:
A successful person was interviewed, and the reporter asked him, “What is the secret to your success?”
He thought carefully and replied, “Because my marriage failed.”
In life, many people can achieve something, have some success, precisely because their marriage is unhappy. If their marriage had been happy, they probably would have just lived their lives happily.
Marriage ultimately involves two people. If either party doesn’t make an effort, the marriage will hardly be happy. Even if one party is extraordinary, it’s all in vain if the other party doesn’t make an effort. This is another truth about marriage. So, when facing an unhappy marriage, you see, so many people still think, “Maybe I’m not trying hard enough, maybe there’s something wrong with me…” In reality, the fundamental problem is that they chose the wrong person.
In the end, it all comes back to the beginning. Since marriage affects a person’s happiness in their lifetime, the initial choice becomes a decisive issue. If you chose the wrong person, even if you are perfect, the marriage will still be unhappy. If you chose the right person, even if you misbehave all day long, they will still treat you well.
But who, when they got married, wasn’t absolutely sure that their choice was correct?
Blame it on the whims of fate, the fickleness of human nature.