I don’t know when it started, but dating has become a “skillful activity.” It’s as if you can’t have a good relationship unless you learn something. Take confession, for example. As a girl, you have to be reserved, and appropriately maintain your dignity. Even if you can’t sleep at night thinking about that person, you have to pretend to be nonchalant and wait for the other person to take the initiative. It seems that in the matter of dating, a man’s initiative has become the start of a relationship.
Confession seems to be a symbol, symbolizing our resolute decision to spend our lives together, announcing to the world that we love each other and are about to belong to each other. It sounds very romantic, but in reality, it doesn’t affect the heart-wrenching arguments and conflicts that follow.
Thinking about this, I can’t help but think of a friend of mine. Watching her date is like reading a comprehensive encyclopedia of love. She seems different from many girls and yet, she’s happier than most.
I remember one time when we went out to eat together. Midway through, I overheard her arguing with her boyfriend on the phone. I thought their date for the day was over, but unexpectedly, she went and bought a bottle of water, took a few sips, and happily went back to shopping. The whole day went by without any disharmony. She never loses her temper in public, never says anything hurtful to anyone.
I was curious and asked her, “Don’t you ever have negative emotions?” She said she does, but shouldn’t let others bear the burden of her emotions. So when she’s unhappy, she drinks a lot of water to suppress the bad feelings, calms down, and then says, “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have had any emotions. If it’s not my fault, I shouldn’t use emotions to burden others.”
I asked her, “What do you do if your boyfriend makes you angry?” She said she makes him do household chores as punishment. Although she shouldn’t make others bear the burden of her emotions, the other person should still pay a price. Otherwise, she’d seem too easy-going. It shouldn’t be excessive, just appropriate. After hearing this, I understood why her boyfriend, a big macho man, submits to her.
It’s not that she doesn’t get angry, but even when she does, she always remembers to keep her composure. When facing conflicts, she thinks about how to resolve them appropriately.
My friend also told me the reason her boyfriend has always respected her is that not only does she never lose her temper and always has valid reasons, she also has a “333” principle. What is the “333” principle?
The “333” principle means that in the early stages of dating, every 3 months is a cycle, moving into the next stage. For example, when someone is pursuing you, you should wait at least three months before agreeing, because in these three months, you can clearly understand what kind of person they are. The most important thing is to screen out those who are not serious about you or are just fishing.
Then, in the second stage of dating, the first three months are about novelty and the honeymoon period. During this time, you should maintain your bottom line and wait another three months before being intimate. Three months is just an appropriate time. If you are willing, that’s fine too, but remember, a man who loves you will respect you. If you easily give yourself away, the other person won’t be impressed. After the first three months, consider what to do in the next stage. This is a method of controlling emotional rhythm. It’s to make the other person feel from the beginning that you’re well-mannered, independent in thought, and have a delicate appearance. From the beginning, he learns to respect you. This way, your position in his mind will be different, and he will feel that you are different from others. Pursuing you will be a great honor for him.
This made me think. In most relationships, how does a girl become humble? It’s from the moment her emotions start to dominate her, constantly overthinking every word, glance, and movement from her boyfriend, and then beginning to think: “Does he not love me anymore?” It’s as if a boyfriend’s every move needs to be scrutinized with a magnifying glass.
Ladies, in a healthy relationship, the most obvious sign is that you are still yourself, and he still loves you. So how do you always maintain your identity in a relationship and make the other person love you more?
Step 1: Maintain your identity
What does maintaining your identity mean? It means in this relationship, you can control your emotions, always know what you are doing and saying, and always be yourself. You still have your own hobbies, social life, work, and personal life. You shouldn’t get upset over a single word he says. You should have the ability to regulate your emotions.
The purpose of dating should be to make you happier. If your boyfriend can’t make you happy, I suggest you go find new happiness. What is the power of love? The power of love is that you have the courage to love bravely and the resolve to leave at any moment.
Step 2: Learn to reflect
Learning to reflect is very important. Reflection is not just to discover problems, but more importantly, to solve them. Of course, the thing you need to reflect on is not whether you are overly dramatic or insecure. You should reflect on why you are so dramatic and insecure and why you always feel unsure about this relationship.
If it’s because you lack love, you have too much free time, or you have no life other than dating every day, then it’s your problem. You need to change, you need to make yourself more attractive. You must learn to reflect on the problems you face in this relationship because no one can endure your bad emotions every time.
Step 3: Learn to manage
Learning to manage in a relationship should be a standard requirement. The wonderful feeling of love is about give and take, the excitement, and the dopamine that slowly accumulates between the two of you. If you want a continuous release of dopamine, then you need to make this relationship more interesting in your increasingly ordinary life.
Learning to manage should be something that not only significantly affects each of your intimate relationships, but is also the most difficult way to find the right person.
Love is not mysterious. The reason why women with high standings are happier than most is not that they don’t get upset, are gentle and understanding, but because, like my friend, they just understand men a bit better than most women.