Are you someone who likes to be around other people or do you prefer to be alone?
Some people are scared of being alone, so they try really hard to fit in. They hide their unique traits, tone down their personality, just to get others to accept them.
Other people don’t want to give up their hobbies or their freedom, so they prefer to spend time alone, doing what they enjoy and thinking about their life.
In the book The Crowd, there’s this line: “When people are in a group, their intelligence drops significantly. To get accepted, they’re willing to give up right and wrong, trading their intelligence for the feeling of belonging.”
It’s true. People who like freedom won’t want to live in a group. People who like to think will get annoyed by the noise of a group. Smart people know to make time for themselves to be alone, to live the life they want.
If you want to completely fit in with a group, you have to give up your freedom, your ability to think, even your intelligence.
Is that a good trade? Of course not.
Sadly, many people don’t realize this. They like being in groups because it feels safe. They can be lazy, not have to think for themselves, not have to work hard, and not have to control their own life. They just follow other people’s plans and ideas.
Someone with vision will always make time to think for themselves, not just fit in.
You see people who love being in groups, who never want to be alone, and they seem to enjoy it. But actually, only weak people like to fit in. Strong people are free. They have their own thoughts.
Arthur Schopenhauer said, “Only when a person is alone can they become completely themselves. Whoever doesn’t love solitude doesn’t love freedom, because only when a person is alone are they free.”
Only in a free, solitary time do we have the time and energy to reflect on ourselves, to think about everything. Only people who are eager to think and enjoy solitude can become stronger and more determined.
Remember in college, there was this one student who didn’t fit in. We’d all be in the dorm watching TV and chatting, but he’d always go to evening study hall.
A lot of people would make fun of him: “You’re in college, not high school. Why are you still going to evening study hall? You’re so diligent.”
They were clearly making fun of him, but he didn’t care. He didn’t try to make everyone understand him. He actually enjoyed being alone and never tried to fit in with other people’s thoughts.
Now, more than a decade later, that student has achieved a lot and is the envy of many classmates.
If you want to enjoy the joy of success, you have to be able to handle being alone. Even if you often eat alone, walk alone, or travel alone. We shouldn’t shy away from this kind of solitude. We should learn to adapt to it and use this time to think and learn.
Zhang Xiaoyan once said, “Many people have asked me about my feelings when I walk alone at night, but I don’t think of loneliness or the long road. I think of the vast ocean and the stars shining in the sky.”
Someone with vision isn’t forced to be alone, they choose to be alone.
Maybe to outsiders, you look lonely when you’re alone. It might seem sad. But in your heart, you’re enjoying your freedom, taking time for yourself to think.
Look at those who really fit in. They seem happy and lively. But what’s the reality? When they face problems, they instinctively back down and hope others will solve them. When they find something they like, they give it up because others don’t like it. Or maybe they’re proud of something, but when others question it, they start to think it’s not so great after all.
This kind of fitting in just makes you lazy, makes you feel defeated and questioned, and you get used to it. People who live like this don’t even have freedom of thought. How can they manage their own life and enjoy a free life?
Goethe said, “People can learn in society, but inspiration only comes when they’re alone.”
In a group setting, we’re used to understanding other people’s thoughts and listening to their opinions. Only when we’re alone can we make time to think about deeper things, our own thoughts.
Jean-Jacques Rousseau also said, “Leisure in social settings is unpleasant, because it’s forced. Leisure in solitude is enjoyable, because it’s free and voluntary.”
Everyone should learn to enjoy solitude, learn to find freedom. Don’t just try to fit in. Give yourself some time to think for yourself.
Because solitude is a deeper form of self-growth.