What is love, after all?
Some people cry for it; some people laugh for it; some people are willing to give up everything for it; and some people can even bear to hurt others for it.
As Sibel and White said, “Love has a magical power that makes one person surrender to another.”
Love is an experience many people have had. Once you’ve had it, you can feel the impact of love’s magic on yourself.
The emergence of love doesn’t depend on age, family background, social status, occupation, or hobbies. Once you fall in love, you’re all in—there’s no turning back.
However, not all love is suitable, perfect, or ends well.
For love, we’re willing to make an effort, change ourselves, and get closer to the other person. But we often wonder, what’s the best way to love? Or how can I get a good love?
Actually, the best way for couples to combine is this: to deeply love each other without being entangled. Unfortunately, many young people don’t understand this.
As Tagore said, “If you love her, let your love surround her like sunlight, and give her freedom.”
Freedom, in some people’s love, has become a luxury.
Some people, once they’re in a relationship, start making all sorts of demands on their partner, asking them to change for themselves, and even saying, “If you don’t, you don’t love me.”
Men will ask women: “Don’t chat with other guys; dress the way I like; and report to me wherever you go.” Women will ask men: “Only have eyes for me; call me every day; and don’t have hobbies I dislike.”
Love should add color to our lives, let us know that happiness has more definitions, rather than shrinking our social circle, friendship circle, and forcing ourselves to accept things we don’t like.
When we have love, we also need freedom and independent thinking, rather than being restrained or monitored.
Why don’t people in love think about it? If your love needs you to constantly watch over it, tie it down, and worry it might leave, can such love really last?
As Lu Xun said, “Life is precious, love is more precious, but if it’s for freedom, we can give up both.”
If love doesn’t have freedom, both parties will become each other’s shackles.
Some young people always think, “If he loves me, he should think of me all the time, care about me, and satisfy my needs. Otherwise, what’s the point of this love?”
This kind of thinking makes love’s definition too narrow.
Love says, “Ultimately, love is the reflection of one’s self-worth in another person.”
If someone always wants to get something from another person but isn’t willing to give, where’s their value in the other person’s eyes? Is it just to find someone to restrain and hurt themselves?
Love is not like that.
When I think of love, I think of happiness first, getting a good love, and getting that happiness and joy.
If love only brings pain and hurt, the final outcome will be separation.
We don’t lack the condition of deeply loving each other; what we lack is our attitude towards love. When we have love, we want to possess the other person entirely, including their freedom.
We live in this world, each of us is an independent individual, and we all want to live our own lives. We’re willing to make an effort for the people we love, but the result is we want our lives to get better, not worse.
Love often makes people obsessed, unable to extricate themselves. We crave love but fear getting trapped—that’s a common mindset towards love.
If, when we have love, we can still have the freedom we want, that’s the love we yearn for and pursue.
Love is like a kite.
The tighter you hold on, the more the other person wants to break free, and the entanglement becomes the opposite force on the kite string. Both parties only care about their own feelings, and in the end, it’s a lose-lose situation.
If we have to lose freedom for love, we’ll eventually lose love because of freedom.
On the other hand, if you let go and let the other person soar in their own sky, as long as you hold onto the kite string, no matter how far they fly, they’ll eventually come back to you, as long as you both love each other deeply.
Good love should be a driving force for our growth, not an obstacle.
As Haruki Murakami said, “If we love, let’s hold hands until old age; if we’re wrong, let’s protect each other’s safety.”
That’s how it should be in love—deeply loving each other when we’re in love, and freely walking away when we’re not. Don’t use love as an excuse to restrain the other person and create entanglements.
The best way for couples to combine is this: to deeply love each other without being entangled.