When couples or married couples have problems or issues in their relationship, some people might say it’s because of communication problems.
People like to use words to sum up a good relationship. For example, communication, management, and compromise.
But real marriages are often not like that.
I’ve written about this before. Some marriages don’t have communication, there’s no basis for it because some people simply don’t want to communicate.
Happy marriages don’t rely on so-called management. Some marriages, the more you try to manage them, the more you create traps for yourself. Besides, the word “management” itself carries a sense of self-interest.
As for compromise, that’s a second-rate way to get along. A first-rate marriage is one where both people blend together right from the start, and they don’t need to compromise. Compromise itself means that at least two people weren’t suitable for each other in the beginning.
The best marriage is one where both people respect each other and don’t feel tired of each other.
A good marriage needs to meet good people. And good people have a certain quality, which is the ability to think from your point of view. This is what we call empathy. This is what we call putting yourself in someone else’s shoes.
If your partner can always consider you, then you can’t be unhappy in this marriage. Correspondingly, if your partner never considers you, then this marriage is destined to be painful.
You may have heard that marriage can change a person. Some people may have some problems before they get married. But it’s okay, once they get married, they will change. They will slowly become suitable.
This statement is only half true. Marriage does change a person because marriage is a community. If two people don’t know how to change and each person does their own thing, this marriage will be full of contradictions and arguments. But there are two ways to change: an active change and a passive change.
Active change is based on love. I love you, so I change myself. It’s like loving the whole family. Whatever you like, I change myself to like it too. You like how someone behaves, I change myself to behave how you like.
Passive change is when I have no choice. For the sake of so-called harmony, I suppress myself. It’s like making compromises. Or the other person is too strong, so I can only compromise and back down.
Needless to say, happy marriages are only for the first kind. As for the second kind, it can only maintain the form of marriage at best.
Love is an ability. Not many people have this ability. So, when you meet someone who truly knows how to love you, cherish them. You have no idea how much they have changed for you because of their love for you.
Someone who has the ability to love you will be able to “think of you before you think of it.” This sentence is a bit roundabout, but think about it carefully.
So, remember, sometimes, your partner can always do things that please you. It’s not because your partner is like that, but because they love you, so they love you in a way you like.
So, when you feel wronged, when you feel that your partner doesn’t understand you or respect you, unless you’re asking too much or being too dramatic, you don’t have to doubt it. Your partner is actually someone who doesn’t have the ability to love. At least, they don’t have the ability to love you well.
Someone who truly loves you won’t let you be wronged too much. They won’t make you feel like they don’t understand you or respect you. It’s actually not difficult to judge whether someone loves you. It’s also not difficult to judge whether you can have a happy ending with someone.
So, one day, when you try to talk about your grievances and tell your partner how you feel, you’ve already lost in the relationship.