Marriage is when life truly begins. It’s not just about love, but also about growth, responsibilities, and the ability to get along with others.
People often focus on the beginning of marriage but overlook the challenges that may arise along the way. While having dreams about marriage is good, preparing to face its difficulties is equally important.
Marriage is based on love but it takes more than love to sustain it. It requires a lifetime of effort from both partners.
Relying solely on a piece of paper to safeguard a relationship is fragile. While a paper may regulate behavior, it does not stabilize the intangible aspect of emotions.
In essence, marriage thrives on the careful nurturing and care of both individuals.
As people reach middle age, most marriages transition from passion to routine, revealing the reality of life.
Accepting the present reality and cherishing the peaceful happiness at hand can lead most couples to a content old age.
However, some individuals are not satisfied with the mundane aspects of life and get entangled in various temptations, leading to deviations in thoughts and eventually divorce.
When love fades between spouses, there is no need to stay together. Life must go on after divorce.
After middle-aged couples divorce, who suffers more? Many believe the disadvantaged party suffers, but the answer can be brutally realistic.
Downstairs, Mr. Smith is about to turn 60, yet his youngest son is only 13. This son is from his second marriage, while the children from his previous marriage are now settled and married. Mr. Smith feels a bit regretful but also finds some sweetness in this situation.
At the age of 44, Mr. Smith divorced his first wife when their child was in high school. His ex-wife suddenly developed an obsession with buying various health products and couldn’t stop herself.
She secretly used the money intended for their son’s college education to buy things. When Mr. Smith found out, she claimed to have built a network and would make a fortune in the future. She warned Mr. Smith that he would regret stopping her.
When the chaos caused by his ex-wife threatened the family’s stability, Mr. Smith made the tough decision to divorce her. It was a difficult choice as they had shared almost two decades of emotions, but continuing would only lead to more problems for himself.
After the divorce, his ex-wife quickly married someone involved in selling health products. Mr. Smith later met his current wife, started a new family, and lived a relatively content life, except for the fact that his current wife insisted on having another child.
Unable to resist his current wife’s wishes and understanding her desires, Mr. Smith became a father again at the age of 47. Unlike his younger days, raising a child drained him, and by the time he was in his fifties, his hair had turned completely white.
Moreover, with modern children being knowledgeable, exposed to various things, and rebellious early on, Mr. Smith felt inadequate in parenting and experienced a generation gap with his child.
During moments of solitude, he sometimes reflects on the past and wonders if things would have been better if his ex-wife hadn’t crossed the line. They could have traveled together and enjoyed a comfortable retired life.
But despite these thoughts, reality must be faced. Fortunately, his current wife is understanding. However, his ex-wife is not as fortunate, as rumors suggest her life with the other man and their two children is chaotic.
In middle age, couples should work together to steer the family towards a better future. Unfortunately, some fail to appreciate this. Their high aspirations are far from their capabilities, leaving a sorrowful situation like that of Mr. Smith and his ex-wife.
The current circumstances between Mr. Smith and his ex-wife are not solely one person’s fault. At that time, Mr. Smith was too focused on work to pay attention to his family, while his ex-wife felt neglected during menopause, leading to escalating disagreements and eventual divorce.
Life is not always smooth sailing. Marriage cannot rely solely on one person’s efforts; it requires both partners to steer the ship towards happiness. Regrettably, many fail to understand this principle.
During the peak of the TV series “Home Sweet Home,” it was hard to comprehend why Mr. Han, despite being wealthy and influential, could still be considered successful after splitting his assets with his ex-wife, Ms. Feng.
It was only after hearing Mr. Smith’s experience that the reality became clear. In middle-aged couples’ divorces, even the seemingly advantaged party may not always have things go their way.
Last year, close friends, Uncle Tang and Aunt Tang, divorced. Aunt Tang initially questioned the point of causing such fuss in their fifties and suggested making do with what they had for the rest of their lives.
Aunt Tang initiated the divorce, and Aunt Tang believed that without a stable income, she would suffer. However, a year later, when they met, Aunt Tang appeared radiant, with a newfound vitality.
After the divorce, Aunt Tang and her two sisters collaborated to run a small restaurant. Aunt Tang’s cooking skills, combined with her sisters’ investments, not only secured their livelihood but also improved their quality of life significantly.
Before the divorce, Aunt Tang dedicated herself to her family, serving her children and husband for decades without recognition or authority. She had to seek her husband’s approval for even the smallest expenses, with his frequent refrain being, “If it weren’t for me supporting you, you would have been on the streets.”
Despite her lifelong sacrifices, Aunt Tang never received acknowledgment and was never able to indulge herself with nice clothes.
When she expressed her grievances in her youth, older generations advised her to endure as things would get better. She believed it, but as her children started working, life remained challenging.
Unable to bear it any longer, she sought a divorce. Her husband mocked her, saying, “I can find a younger woman after divorce, but you will be left serving someone in the grave.”
Aunt Tang never considered remarrying. She chose to spend her old age alone, free from restrictions and responsibilities, enjoying life with her sisters.
Their restaurant may not be highly profitable, but it brought a sense of relief compared to their past struggles. While Aunt Tang felt physically tired, she believed this was the life she desired.
Contrary to Aunt Tang’s expectations, Uncle Tang did not find the comfort he imagined after the divorce. Having never taken care of the family, even mealtimes became a challenge. Despite several attempts at matchmaking, young women marrying a man in his fifties often had ulterior motives.
Uncle Tang wasn’t wealthy, but he was burdened with various health issues. He had even asked people to persuade Aunt Tang to reconcile, but she refused every time.
In middle age, most marital relationships evolve into routine, with fewer moments of excitement.
However, marriages must progress, with both partners being mindful of how to manage daily life. Each spouse’s contributions should be acknowledged, and nothing taken for granted.
In “The Intimate Relationships,” it is stated that when wives bear most household responsibilities, their marital happiness tends to decrease, while husbands’ happiness increases, and vice versa. The best scenario for marital happiness is when both partners share household duties equally.
Everyone desires marital bliss, but without mutual effort, marriages are destined to fail.
Honey, in “Marriage Psychology,” emphasizes that marriage is about mutual growth and nurturing, not just relying on luck.
Life together inevitably brings conflicts, but if even one’s tongue and teeth can clash, imagine two individuals with distinct personalities.
Smart individuals recognize that marriage is a form of cultivation. Through patience, understanding, and mutual support, couples can reach the highest level of marital harmony.
Otherwise, relying solely on fleeting romance will lead to its deterioration.
Every man grows through marriage, learning the complexities of daily life. Similarly, every woman learns about responsibility, tolerance, and acceptance through marriage.
As people reach middle age, they must cherish the journey of their marriage, ensuring that when they look back in their twilight years, they won’t regret not valuing what they had.