Leo Tolstoy once said, “Marriage is viewed as a joke by some, while others see it as the most sacred thing in the world.”
When it comes to marriage, some people say they want to get married quickly, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have any expectations for their partner. Similarly, some people may express dissatisfaction with their marriage, but that doesn’t mean they want a divorce.
There’s a popular phrase called the “True Fragrance Law,” which means that people often end up accepting and enjoying things they initially rejected.
For instance, someone might say they don’t want to get married, but they end up getting married and living happily ever after. Some people don’t want to have kids, but they end up sharing pictures of their kids on social media every day. Others might say they’re unhappy in their marriage and want a divorce, but they end up having a second child.
In reality, there’s no absolute answer when it comes to love or marriage. People who constantly talk about divorce might not necessarily end up getting a divorce.
Wen Ge Julie once said, “Even in the happiest of marriages, there are 200 moments when you want to get a divorce and 50 moments when you want to kill each other.”
So why do people who always talk about divorce end up having a second child?
Couples with Kids Will Always Be Soft-Hearted, and Divorce Is Just a Threat
Sanmao once said, “Sometimes marriage can make a woman lose herself, otherwise, there would be many more outstanding women in the world.”
Couples in a marriage can’t always be rational, and they’re often influenced by their family environment.
In most families, the husband is the breadwinner, while the wife takes care of the household chores. Even if the wife has a job, she still spends more time taking care of the family.
After having kids, the wife’s time is completely consumed by childcare, and she often feels exhausted. The relationship between the couple can also be affected, and occasional arguments are normal. It’s common for people to say they want a divorce in the heat of the moment, but when they see their kids, they become soft-hearted and forget about divorce.
Because of their love for their kids, men and women might say they want a divorce, but it’s just a threat, and they won’t actually get a divorce. As time passes, having a second child becomes a normal thing.
The Pain of Having Kids Is Easily Forgotten
People who haven’t experienced it only see the happy family of three, but they don’t see the hardships of raising kids.
In most families, the happiest day is when the child is born, but after that, every day is a struggle to take care of the child.
Many families leave the task of childcare to the wife, and not many husbands understand the hardships their wives face.
Facing the cries of their kids and the lack of understanding from their husbands, women can easily fall into pessimism and think about divorce.
But as the child grows up, taking care of them becomes relatively easier, and the hardships of childcare are gradually forgotten.
A friend of mine is a typical example. After having her first child, she complained about the hardships of life and her husband’s lack of care, but soon she had a second child.
This is a classic case of “the pain of having kids is easily forgotten.”
Divorce Involves Many Interests
Couples without kids might get into an argument and impulsively decide to get a divorce. Without any major obstacles, divorce becomes relatively simple. However, for couples with kids, it’s not that easy.
Marriage is not the same as love. Love only involves two people, but marriage involves many people and the entire world. Love can be lost, but marriage can’t be lost, especially when there are kids involved.
In reality, some people might constantly talk about divorce, but it’s not because they don’t have feelings for each other. It’s because they’re exhausted from married life, and when they regain their composure, they realize it’s not a big deal and won’t lead to divorce.
Especially when it comes to divorce, they need to consider who will take care of the kids and the various economic interests involved. This makes divorce even less likely.
As long as they don’t get a divorce, having a second child is not a surprise.
Someone once said, “The first year of marriage is for love, the second year is for marriage, and the third year is for the kids. The following years are for living.”
Marriage can’t be treated like a romantic relationship, and it can’t just focus on personal interests. Once married, there are more people and interests involved, and divorce isn’t something you can take lightly.
As Niks said, “Marriage is a book, and the first chapter is poetry, while the rest is plain prose.”
The essence of marriage is life, and everything is based on life. Couples arguing is normal, and they can quickly make up. Impulsively saying you want a divorce is also normal, and once the anger passes, the feelings will return.
Marriage can be cruel, just like how you’ll see many attractive women after getting married. But that doesn’t mean you should impulsively get a divorce. Even if you remarry, you’ll still have the same feelings.
Instead of struggling, it’s better to cherish the people in front of you and live a good life.