The only standard for a good relationship or marriage is to be happy and for both parties to grow.
Here, “poor” doesn’t refer to wealth but to men who can’t make a woman happy or help her grow.
Marrying the wrong person is like marrying a vampire; it sucks the life and vitality out of you, leaving your soul withered, just like Isabel Archer in “The Portrait of a Lady.” Fortunately, she bravely pursued what she wanted in the end.
Recognizing the most suitable partner from numerous suitors requires both innate qualities and effort.
Since we can’t choose our family background and upbringing, let’s focus on the effort: a woman’s knowledge and her ability to judge people.
1. Knowledge
Knowledge almost entirely determines one’s standards. As the saying goes, the higher you stand, the farther you see, and the more you know.
Without experiencing tenderness, it’s hard to recognize what true tenderness looks like.
Without experiencing excellence, it’s hard to appreciate real excellence.
Our life experiences are limited, mostly confined to our own upbringing. Reading is the only way to broaden our knowledge.
Narrow and superficial views are self-imposed limitations. Without knowing, you limit yourself.
Reading expands life’s breadth and depth, broadens knowledge, and gradually breaks the self-imposed limitations.
Reading helps experience different lives and realize that things can be different!
2. Judging People
Judging people is the core of all relationships and a crucial ability for finding a good relationship.
Judging people isn’t just about discerning others; it’s more about recognizing your own true needs.
Self-awareness is difficult. Otherwise, Socrates wouldn’t have emphasized “know thyself.”
It’s hard to know what you like, what suits you, and what you disdain without experiencing love.
Everyone says marriage is like a pair of shoes; only the wearer knows if they fit. The time to try shoes is often too short, and sometimes the discomfort only appears after walking in them for half a day.
Shoes are discarded if they hurt, but can marriage be discarded so easily?
Most marriages are the result of love. If love is a subject, then women who don’t marry well fail this course.
To excel in this course, you need to learn excellent judgment in the three stages of love: getting to know each other, falling in love, and getting married. The earlier you start practicing, the lower the cost and the smaller the price of mistakes.
Stage 1: Getting to Know Each Other
Key point: Get to know as many outstanding men as possible and take your time to establish relationships.
The more people you know, the wider your options.
The slower you establish relationships, the better you hone your judgment and experience in recognizing what you want and don’t want.
Stage 2: Falling in Love
After some ordinary interaction, you might have a basic idea of what you want and don’t want. If the man seems to fulfill your initial hopes for happiness, you decide to deepen the relationship. He might be what you’re looking for or he might not. Only actual interaction can reveal this.
Key point: Be decisive and committed.
Once you’re committed, take the relationship seriously. If he’s not what you want, break up decisively.
Dragging things out often leads to wasting a woman’s precious youth, and in the end, she has to settle for something unsatisfactory.
Stage 3: Marriage
Any love not aimed at marriage is just a game. Women want a destination for their love.
Don’t believe a man who’s happy to cohabit but avoids talking about marriage.
If he loves you, he wants to secure your place and make you happy as soon as possible.
Excuses like “I’ll marry you when I earn more” or “I’ll buy a house first” are just that. If he doesn’t want to marry now, he won’t want to later.
If you want to get married and still stay with him, are you waiting to be his maid, a free sexual partner, and then be discarded like a dishrag one day?
A good woman never gives up on herself. Even if you’ve cohabited, had an abortion, and divorced, and are raising a child, you deserve a good life. Don’t waste your one chance at life.
It’s best to correct any mistakes now. Only silly girls punish themselves for past mistakes.
If the shoes don’t fit, throw them away! If the boyfriend or husband doesn’t fit, throw him away!
You deserve better.