I used to jot down this passage, portraying a woman who loved humbly but unhappily.
The reason I recalled this passage was due to a recent conversation with my ten-year-old daughter.
She said, “Mom, Lani’s dad said: ‘Cats are not completely domesticated animals, and they are not as suitable as dogs as pets.’”
I replied, “That’s exactly why I’d rather have a cat than a dog! Despite loving dogs more than cats, a dog’s love for people is just too overwhelming, and I would feel burdened and exhausted. Cats, on the other hand, are different. They are content by themselves, and being pampered by the owner is just a bonus.”
My daughter asked, “If you don’t want to play with it, why do you want to keep it?”
I answered, “I do want to play with it, but only when I have the time and mood for it. When I’m busy or not in the mood, I hope it can still be happy by itself. Otherwise, I would feel guilty, and that’s a psychological burden and pressure.”
My daughter, discontentedly, said, “You are mean.”
I admitted, “I know it’s quite selfish of me, but I can consciously recognize my selfishness. I know how much I can give, so I choose objects that match my limited capability. I chose a cat not because I don’t love dogs. It’s precisely because I love them that I want to be responsible and not harm them. Think about it, if I had a dog but couldn’t meet its need for love, wouldn’t that be hurting it? Since I know I can’t provide, I shouldn’t provoke.”
My daughter seemed to understand and stopped asking. Meanwhile, I found myself indulged in contemplation, as if I had acquired a professional illness, immediately associating it with relationships between men and women.
Isn’t it the same principle in love?
A lasting and balanced love relationship must have a similar intensity of love from both sides. If one loves much more than the other, it becomes too clingy and suffocating, causing the love to collapse sooner or later.
The one who loves more is always resentful, saying, “Oh, when you’re in the mood, you don’t blame me for being clingy. When you don’t need me, I have to play alone, and I can’t let you know how much I miss you, otherwise, I’m pressuring you, I’m excessively demanding, my love suffocates you. Do you think of me as a thoughtless toy, or a servant who comes and goes at your beck and call?”
In reality, completely unselfish people do not exist, and it’s the same in relationships between men and women. You say he is too selfish in expecting you to come and go as he pleases, but aren’t you being selfish too? You think that because you give love, you should receive the same in return, otherwise, he is in the wrong. This is using your own gains and losses as the standard for judgment, and isn’t it a form of selfishness?
True selfless love isn’t about expecting the other person to act a certain way, but rather, it’s like a mother’s love for her child, where as long as the child is happy, whether you receive anything in return, or whether you feel wronged, is not that important.
As ordinary people, it’s difficult for us to achieve such truly selfless love. So, since we know we want something in return, when we give, we need to balance it and only give what we are willing to, regardless of whether the other person appreciates or cherishes it. Don’t regret or complain.
For anything beyond your “selfless limit,” please maintain some reserve. When you are unsure if the other person cherishes you, don’t give everything. Leave some for yourself, love yourself, take care of yourself, listen to your own joys and sorrows, and pay attention to your soul’s growth.
On the other hand, I also want to remind the one who loves less. You know that the other person is giving their all, just like a dog, and you know that you don’t like the psychological burden. But you can’t resist the temptation of love, so you accept it.
You want to enjoy the happiness of being loved unconditionally, and yet you don’t want the pressure it brings. Then, you should find a “cat,” not a “dog.” You know they are a “dog,” but you are trying to make them behave like a “cat.” Sorry, they can’t do that. They didn’t show up in front of you wearing a cat disguise, they never deceived you, so why blame them?
However, problems have solutions. After all, people are people, neither cats nor dogs. People are intelligent creatures who can think. People can control and adjust themselves rationally, making themselves a little more indifferent in love, caring a bit more about themselves. Slowly, the “dog” can indeed become a “cat.”
If you are currently being the humble “dog” in love, please don’t lick your wounds alone anymore, try to be as spiritually independent and content as a cat.
In love, be a noble “cat”!