Extramarital affairs won’t last. The reason is simple: affairs that arise from self-interest will end when the interest changes, while affairs that arise from affection will end when the affection changes. Both emotions and interests are subject to change and uncertainty. Whether it’s the other woman or the straying man, their moral character is flawed. It’s very difficult for two people with flawed moral character to truly trust each other. Without trust, the relationship won’t last. In reality, most men involved in extramarital affairs are driven by primitive instincts to satisfy their desire for conquest. Most women who become mistresses often fall into the fixed mindset of “I’ve given you so much, you must be worthy of me.” Ultimately, this turns into a self-destructive “since you are heartless, don’t blame me for not being faithful” mode, which is not surprising.
After all, marriage is public and sanctioned by both parties, parents, relatives, and society (marriage certificate). Even so, building a trusting relationship isn’t something that can be accomplished overnight. The so-called adjustment period is the period for building trust.
Extramarital affairs have three stages:
The infatuation stage: At this stage, an extramarital affair is a paradise, a safe haven, and a land of tenderness. Due to the psychological halo effect, those involved view each other through rose-colored glasses and feel grateful for meeting. They even want to throw everything away and be with their lover forever.
The rational stage: The rose-colored glasses are removed, and rationality is restored, leading to arguments.
The reality stage: At this stage, unless the feelings for the lover are greater than the marriage, 99% of men will return to their families.
Extramarital affairs are destined to be short-lived, especially when they are based on lies that won’t affect the family. Even if they break through obstacles and elope, they might not be happy.
The essence of marriage is the continuation of the family and the protection of interests. Therefore, marriage combinations need to weigh the pros and cons and maximize the interests of both parties. It’s not easy to dismantle a combination of interests because there are too many interests involved. The essence of an extramarital affair is to satisfy the parts of your desires that aren’t fulfilled in marriage, such as sexual, material, and emotional needs. Some people become greedy when they fail to see the essence. They treat extramarital affairs as normal emotions, hoping for a long-lasting relationship or a replacement, but the result is always a breakup.
So, those who want to have an affair shouldn’t be deluded and overestimate their extramarital affairs, underestimate their guilt, overestimate their mental strength, and underestimate their happiness and aversion to the old.
Falling in love is falling into the river of love; falling into an extramarital affair is “capsizing in the gutter.” Ridiculously, most people still regard “capsizing in the gutter” as “falling into the river of love.” In reality, it’s just a cover for lustful desires. Capsizing in the gutter can be dangerous, so the boundless sea of desire must be left behind as soon as possible.
Therefore, everyone should learn to cherish their current partners, avoid betraying them, manage their families well, and cultivate the relationship between the two people with care to truly find happiness in a relationship.
Don’t hurt others, tarnish your own opportunities, or destroy other people’s families. Your other half may be ordinary, but once you lose them, you won’t find them again, so cherish your current partner, cherish your marriage, and cherish your fate.