Actually, when doing anything, you should always remember why you started. When desires become overwhelming and you forget your initial intentions, it’s the root of falling into misery. This is especially true for extramarital affairs!
So, why am I not talking about men but emphasizing that women should not forget their original intentions? It’s because men and women have almost innate and universal differences in emotions. Generally, women tend to invest more in a relationship, while men, following their nature, often decline. This might not be obvious in daily life due to a sense of responsibility and moral constraints acquired later on.
When men forget their original intentions, they tend to become cold and distant, which may harm the relationship but not themselves significantly.
However, for women, forgetting their original intentions often leads to frustration and not only damages the relationship but can also result in losing themselves.
How can you “not forget your original intentions”? I’ve summarized it into three points:
Recognize the Biggest Difference Between Extramarital Affairs and Normal Relationships.
Extramarital affairs go against social norms and are not acceptable, but they exist for a reason. In any society, extramarital affairs are not a simple right or wrong issue.
After all, the monogamous marriage system is a human creation, not a natural occurrence in the natural world. Therefore, it inevitably has flaws, so we have to overlook minor mistakes for greater benefits.
What do people seek in extramarital affairs?
It could be the lack of care in the marriage, the lost passion over the years, a renewed sense of self-worth from the attention of the opposite sex, excitement in a mundane life, fulfillment in physical needs, a shortcut in career advancement, financial support, or even just getting on board without a clear goal.
No matter the intention, few start with the idea of eventually ending their marriage. Otherwise, they would have divorced earlier.
In other words, extramarital affairs rarely start with the goal of “eventual union.”
In normal relationships, although not necessarily aiming for marriage, the potential for a future together is always a consideration, as long as it’s not deceiving for personal gain.
This is the biggest difference between extramarital affairs and normal relationships!
Understanding this point helps you stay alert and avoid going astray.
Remind Yourself to Think Rationally Like a Normal Person.
Basically, remind yourself to be rational. While “being rational” sounds simple, those involved may not understand what you mean! In simpler terms, think and act like a normal person, do normal things!
Let’s analyze:
When a man initially shows interest or pursues you, it stems from desire. This desire could be for possessing a beautiful person or emotions, or simply physical lust, all in all, it’s greed. Even with a family, he still wants more. This contradicts the principle of marital loyalty but is somewhat human nature. Greed and possessiveness are common weaknesses.
At this point, you are also controlled by greed and get involved. At this stage, you are also following human nature.
Then, the man gets you, both physically and emotionally. However, the enhanced desire and lust cannot withstand time and gradually fade. Consequently, he starts to distance himself, retreat, or even seek a new target. From your perspective, this is despicable. But he is just following his inner desires and natural instincts, which, in essence, align with human nature.
Why do you call him despicable? Is it because he is not responsible towards you? The issue is, why should he be responsible towards you?
There was no sense of responsibility from the start between you two! When you reciprocated his advances knowingly, did he promise to be responsible for you? When you felt excited about his attention, did you both not know you were already married?
There was no sense of identity from the beginning! Even if you claim you have an identity, that your identity is his true love, his soulmate. Fine, let’s say it is. If it’s true love, is there a need for responsibility to bind it?
True love is simply about love. If you truly love him, you would willingly let him be happy. If he finds happiness in polygamy, should you selflessly support him without regrets? Otherwise, don’t use the guise of true love to try to have both practical benefits and pure love.
The man never deceived you. You chose not to play by the rules from the start; he simply wanted a little “extra” outside the “main course.” You naively believed that as your emotions deepened, your relationship would be different in the future. When your expectations fall short, instead of reflecting on why you didn’t play by the rules from the beginning, you blame the man for everything.
Looking from an outsider’s perspective, the man never wanted to disrupt his family and life, which aligns with normal thinking.
Moreover, it shows he has not lost his basic conscience. A man who easily abandons his family for a “side dish” is despicable. Is such a scoundrel worth fighting for?
Seems like a puzzle without a solution, right? Yes, this is the difficulty of extramarital affairs. I have detailed the challenges of extramarital affairs compared to normal relationships in my previous article “Women in Extramarital Affairs, Are You Skilled Enough?” and won’t delve into it again.
When you are confused and can’t think clearly, pretend to be an outsider and think logically.
Give Up Greed.
Always remember what you truly desire.
If the other person can’t fulfill it, let go as soon as possible. If at the peak of passion, he can’t satisfy you, do you expect him to have a change of heart once the thrill fades?
If the other person can meet your needs, enjoy it without seeking more.
For example, if you seek attention and care from a man, his consistent care should be enough, why bother about his relationship with other women?
If he makes an effort, you are already happy, but when you see him do more for someone else, you immediately feel discontent. It’s like the envy in real life; you were content with a simple life until you learned your neighbor moved to a mansion, then suddenly you feel less happy.
Remember, outside of marriage, your relationship is only about the two of you. As long as the time you spend together is of high quality and meets your initial needs, you should be content.
Satisfaction is relative to your own needs. Comparison with others will only lead to an endless black hole.
Women caught in extramarital affairs are like being drugged, and if mixed with greed, it’s like taking poison. A temporary euphoria may lead to a lifetime of composure and tranquility.
If you ever lose your way and inadvertently step onto this dangerous path, even if you can’t turn back immediately, at least, I hope you won’t forget your original intentions. In doing so, there might still be a glimmer of hope to preserve each other.